License to drive

Ahhh, road rage. That perfect venting of emotion directed at complete strangers whilst you fight a seemingly endless stream of traffic on your interminable ride home from work.

We’ve all been there – the heavy sighs (my signature move), the hand gestures, the muttering to oneself, the string of four-letter words shouted in iambic pentameter.

For me, with a three-year-old singing in the backseat, I find that I must curtail the worst of my road rage. Instead of peppering the landscape with expletives, I have found new words to voice my displeasure with careless, thoughtless, unskilled drivers who share the road with the rest of the general population.

Let me set a scenario. I have worked a full day, picked up my daughter at daycare and am heading toward the bank and grocery store. I encounter a moron in a truck whose wheels were as tall as my Honda. He revs his engine and peels out at every stop light, weaving in and out of traffic and generally causing a commotion.

In the old days, I would have sped up to get next to him at the next light, rolled down my window and given him a piece of my mind. Now, in mommy mode, I say things like “Nice move, buddy” or “What the heck is this guy doing?” No swears, no aggressive maneuvers. While less satisfying, personally, than the rage I used to exhibit, it is definitely a step in the right direction when it comes to controlling my anger.

I read an article today on aol.com, written by Craig Howie, which made me think about road rage, what causes it and how people react.

In his article, Howie noted that AAA offers a three-step plan to avoid becoming the victim of aggressive driving:

• The first tip is "don't offend," which includes cutting off other drivers, driving slowly in the left lane, tailgating and gesturing to other drivers.

• The agency then warns to "not engage," which advises steering clear of trouble, not making eye contact and getting help, by calling 911, in the event of experiencing dangerous, aggressive driving. It then asks at-risk drivers to "adjust their attitude," which involves "forgetting winning" (for the drivers to whom driving is a Darwinian survival of the fittest), or putting themselves in the other's driver's shoes.

• Finally, they recommend that, if you think you have a road rage problem, to seek professional help. 

OK, AAA, but what about the people who are naturally bad or aggressive drivers? Typically, they are the ones causing the road rage. How do we deal with the guy in the big truck who is making my commute a contact sport?

I think back to an incident that happened to a friend about a month ago. She was driving on a side street in Massachusetts’ third largest city. A car in front of her kept slowing down, as if they were going to turn or stop. She said she was just following along, and did not attempt to pass. Suddenly, the vehicle came to an abrupt stop, and the driver motioned my friend to “go around,” which she did.

The man driving the vehicle pulled back out behind her, and began flashing his lights and tailgating her until they both reached the next traffic light. At this point, he gets out of the car and approaches her window. He begins screaming about her “tailgating,” and talking about how he has “children in the car.” Not that it matters, but my friend looked in her rearview mirror and saw no children. Despite his claim about his “children,” this irate “gentleman” decided it would be a good idea to pound on my friend’s car window and yell a rainbow’s worth of naughty words. Legally, does that count as assault, or merely intimidation?

As my friend recounted the story, I asked how she reacted to all of this. Apparently, she didn’t react. She didn’t say anything, and she didn’t get out of the car (smart girl). When the light turned green, she pulled away, but neglected to get the other driver’s license plate number. She called the police from her cell phone, but without his license plate number, she was unable to give them enough information to track down the road rage offender.

If by some miracle that gentleman is reading this blog, or if you recognize your own behavior in this story, I only have one question – What in God’s name are you thinking? What kind of person waltzes up to someone’s car window at a stop light and pulls a Conan the Barbarian? Obviously someone with LOTS of issues who believes that this type of activity is acceptable in our culture.

In Howie’s article, he cites a study done by Dr. Leon James, a professor of psychology at the University of Hawaii and Web master of DrDriving.org. He is also the co-author of "Road Rage and Aggressive Driving" with his wife, Diane Nahl.

James began studying driving psychology about 20 years ago after his wife told him that her mother thought he took turns too fast. Over a period of self-study, he said he was amazed by the mistakes he made and the aggressive thoughts he experienced toward other drivers. He recorded them via his "Speakaloud" method. Using his method on students, he discovered that road rage is a "cultural phenomenon." "We call the back seat of the car the 'road rage nursery', where (young children) pick up all the driver's bad habits," James said. "It's a cultural temper tantrum."

I like that turn of phrase – cultural temper tantrum. I’m going to throw it out there next time some jerk cuts in front of me on the highway. 

“Hey, pal. Move your cultural temper tantrum off the road!”